The Joy of Golf

I love playing golf - unfortunately, my love for the game is not borne out by my ability to play it. I tend to duff a lot of shots, but my attitude is "what the hack!" It's a great game and its always a joy to get out there with a couple of other guys who share the love of the game.

Golf is a very old game. Apparently during the time of Caesar, the Romans played a game similar to golf, where they hit a feather-filled leather pouch with tree branches. Golf as we know it, however, was being played by the Scots by the 15th century. Because it is such an old game, it has a certain je ne sais quoi that could be construed by newcomers to the game as snobbish. There is, for instance, a very strict dress code. Not too long ago, I dared to arrive at the course wearing shorts. This was not the problem - the starter had a problem with the colour of my short beige coloured socks (which I had bought in the golfing section of a large sports shop) - they were not white enough for him! Fortunately an expensive visit to the pro-shop sorted out that problem. I once heard of a fellow who was not allowed onto the course because he wasn't wearing a belt (it would, after all, be unbecoming for a gentleman to end up with his trousers around his ankles after teeing off). Apparently, this fellow merely took the strap off his golf bag, tied it around his waist and was allowed to play without any further objections, even though he must have looked rather strange.

Golf also has a lot of rules and codes, many of which are unspoken. I have on occasion played with fellows who insist that those playing with him and waiting to tee off, stand in a certain place whilst he is teeing off - and one should never presume to stand behind a chap who is teeing off. I guess its just too undignified to have someone stare at your butt whilst you're addressing your ball. Once our golfing party consisted of 5 guys. It was a quiet Tuesday morning, so we asked the starter if we could form a 5-ball as we didn't really want to split our group. The starter was an elderly gentleman who, judging by the expression on his face, had never been asked such a preposterous thing in his entire life. I daresay, he would have responded more favourably had we asked to see naked pictures of his wife!

Now playing golf in Thailand is an all together different story. In fact, I am sure that the royal and ancient founders of this great game roll in their graves any time the words "golf" and "Thailand" are used in the same sentence. This is all due to the Thai's delightful way of taking something foreign and adapting it to suit their own unique tastes and styles. Take the dress code for example: I have played with fellows who wear denim jeans every time they play. Just recently, I played with a guy who clearly had no dress sense - he wore shorts with long black socks! That would have given any self-respecting starter a fit of apoplexy. But not in Thailand. Nobody even batted an eye. Generally, use of a caddy is optional. In Thailand you have no choice. No caddy, no play. Oh yes! all the caddies are women. They wrap a towel over their head and around their faces to protect them from the sun ...and no doubt, to hide their smirks when hackers like myself play silly shots. They also tend to wear woollen gloves to protect their hands from burning in the sun. (In the status conscience Thai culture, a sun-tanned skin is a sign of low status).

Then the most remarkable thing about golfing in this great country, is that they are a sociable bunch of folk. They would hate to break up a group of friends who want to spend an enjoyable morning or afternoon together. So I have often ended up behind a 5 or a 6 ball.
I took this photo just last week.

No, it is not an optical illusion, nor is it a green keeper's convention on the benefits of Bentgrass over Bemuda grass. Yes, that is 12 people you see on the green. This can be quite frustrating if you're playing a quick round by yourself or just a 2 ball - heck even a 4 ball gets seriously held up by a 6!! But in Thailand, no one is ever in a rush, so it just means that you have more time to chat to your mates as you wait in the 40 degree Celsius heat to play your next shot! (To be fair, some of the more popular courses in bigger towns are less likely to allow anything more than a 4 ball - but not where I live).

The Thai also aren't interested in handicaps. You wanna play golf? you play golf! You hit that ball till it drops in the cup. There is no picking up your ball when you're 2 or 3 shots over. I personally have rung up horrendous 10's and 12's on par 4's. Now imagine being stuck behind a 6 ball of average to poor players who are each taking between 5 to 10 shots to sink their ball. To take 6 hours or more for 18 holes is not unheard of.

All these things are not negatives. They are just a different way of doing things and it doesn't detract from the joy of the game. Just this morning I went out and played 9 holes with my 4yr old son, Jonty. It was a special time as the two of us raced around in a golf cart, did donuts on the fairways and went off-road, our caddy (a transvestite and a first for me in terms of strange and unusual caddies) clinging on to the back of the cart for dear life. Jonty had his little kiddies 9 iron and hit a few shots. I hit a few shots, but it wasn't about the decorum, or the rules, or the score. It was about two guys having fun together, bonding and creating memories. Isn't that what all sport should be about?